Violence at Home

Many people think of violence in the home as a physical thing, however, our experience is many men experience manipulation, emotional and psychological violence from their partners that they don’t recognize or in some cases normalize it.

This emotional violence, eventually reemerges as either anger, yelling, drinking, bullying and sometimes ending with physical violence as these are strategies to process internalized anger, opression, and sadness.

This is part of the larger pattern of violence in the home that leads to the breakdown of relationships, work opportunities, and alienation from community and supports.

If you love your partner and are perpetrating emotional or physical violence, feel that you are being manipulated, are treated in a way that doesn’t feel respectful, or prefer to spend time with friends than be at home than please consider joining one of our peer support groups or working with a counsellor at the centre. Our experience has been that for most men participating in a peer group is the most effective way to get the resources to move through this.

Another form of violence that men may experience in the home is around economic contributions to the home or relationship.

Case Study:

James is an electrian and him and his partner Jane love each other and feel a strong sense of connection. About once a month there is an emotional blow up which leads to an intense argument and yelling often including negative profanities that suggest that James is not good enough – does not earn enough, doesn’t spend enough quality time, doesn’t do enough chores around the house or is not a good dad. Although there is no physical fighting Jane may break or throw things in James general direction. James finds these fights unpredictable and often is suprised when they occur. Consequently James comes straight home work, attempting to avoid any emotional outbursts and improve his relationship.

James feels that he never has any free time to see his friends and persue any of his hobbies. After these fights he usually leaves the house and sometimes spends the night at a friends.

After a few days they “make up” and things continue as before.

Often this is a cycle where partners are re-creating patterns from their past, and simple corrections made by either partner can often end these cycles. Talk to our staff if you want to exit the cycle.